I head a talk on Sunday that gave a long story about a servant. Summed up, a servant with a poverty-driven lifestyle was happy. His happiness was challenged when he was given 99 gold coins. He felt he'd been robbed 1 short and devoted the rest of his miserable life striving for that last coin. At least that's the summary I got from it.
I thought a lot about this. I really liked it and tried to apply it to my own happiness. I struggle being happy. I always have, to be honest. Long-lasting happiness. But I really don't feel it's because I am seeking riches I don't have. So I've broadened it.
I remember thinking to myself, I can't wait til I graduate high school and get out of the house! I can't wait til college! I'll be happy when I get married. I can't wait to get out of college and get a real job! (What was I thinking!) I'll be happy when I pass my CPA. Own a house, have babies, etc!!! All of these things are good things and did bring me an apparent happiness as I checked them off my list. And there's another list that isn't even checkoff-able off but my constant "seeking" causes me much disappointment. Things like having a Home and Garden house, looking beautiful everyday, a problem-free marriage, being a spiritual giant, having perfect children, etc. There are days where I may hit a few of these, but when I fail the next day, it'll often destroy me for a few more. Even if I could somehow do everything, there's other lists of things 100% out of my control. I obviously am doing the whole happiness thing wrong. The joy I have found has been fleeting as true happiness and that sense of peace, must come from me, regardless of my situation. Happiness is not sought, but had. Looking back, I can't believe how much time I wasted "seeking" things I didn't yet have. I have had so much to be grateful for and often have looked right past it to the next big adventure.
I think that being happy and content are strongly correlated. I think being content comes with a strong sense of gratitude and acceptance for the present. So that's where I'm at. I am going to manually and very consciously try to change my mindset. I'm going to try to accept my current situation for what it is, learn from it and enjoy the little things along the way. One day at a time, right?
2 comments:
Oh, Aim. This is SO what I meeded to read today. You've got you're head on straight girl, and I love you for it.
Wow, Aimee, I am so glad u shared your thoughts about happiness. I have done a lot of thinking about happiness and peace, as well. I usually don't feel I live in "fear" but for some reason, I have found myself going there. Since mom died 2 1/2 years ago, I know I have lost much of my zeal for life. I have questioned many more things about myself and my life. I have realized just how short this life is. THAT scares me. I wish I would have spent more time with my mom and appreciating her and the good woman she was. I have tried to convey to my kids the importance of spending time with their mom, without actually saying... "You will miss me when I am gone!!" Haha. I understand Aimee, always trying to find that happiness because you were brought up in such a dysfunctional family, (like myself) that we don't naturally know how to take in the present and appreciate... But you are doing a great job with that. I LOVE watching you mother your kids and do the fun things you do with them. I know there is a balance (of orderliness) that has to be maintained in a household, but I am grateful that you don't let the media define the kind of mother and woman you "should" be. That is where searching for happiness will really steer us wrong. When I see your creative juices churning, I think of my mom and give her the credit for those genes. Mom was never conventional or traditional... And even though she struggled being content at times, her spirit touched many people. Her creative, lively, unique soul was almost always a joy to be around. she helped her kids (me) be comfortable with doing things a little different because we thought a little differently and didn't let the media define how we "should" be doing something. She always CHEERED our unique way of doing things. So, when I see you being YOU, I smile inside and think mom must be smiling too. I wish I could say I feel happy all the time, but it just doesn't seem to work out that way. I do know when I start to get that restless, searching and sometimes negative feeling, I can be reasonably sure I need to spend some contemplative time in the temple, get a little deeper in the scriptures and really pour out my heart to my Heavenly Father.... And then find something to do for someone else. Someone once said that "service is the key to the Holy Ghost." I can honestly say the best word that describes the feeling I have when I am closest to the Spirit is pure JOY...a far cry from discouragement, sadness or discontent. So even though I don't have that "joy" 24/7, I do know what it feels like and I know it does not come from a bigger house, or more money, or even a spic and span house.... Thanks for sharing Aimee. I am so proud of you and cannot even express how much I love you.
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