I head a talk on Sunday that gave a long story about a servant. Summed up, a servant with a poverty-driven lifestyle was happy. His happiness was challenged when he was given 99 gold coins. He felt he'd been robbed 1 short and devoted the rest of his miserable life striving for that last coin. At least that's the summary I got from it.
I thought a lot about this. I really liked it and tried to apply it to my own happiness. I struggle being happy. I always have, to be honest. Long-lasting happiness. But I really don't feel it's because I am seeking riches I don't have. So I've broadened it.
I remember thinking to myself, I can't wait til I graduate high school and get out of the house! I can't wait til college! I'll be happy when I get married. I can't wait to get out of college and get a real job! (What was I thinking!) I'll be happy when I pass my CPA. Own a house, have babies, etc!!! All of these things are good things and did bring me an apparent happiness as I checked them off my list. And there's another list that isn't even checkoff-able off but my constant "seeking" causes me much disappointment. Things like having a Home and Garden house, looking beautiful everyday, a problem-free marriage, being a spiritual giant, having perfect children, etc. There are days where I may hit a few of these, but when I fail the next day, it'll often destroy me for a few more. Even if I could somehow do everything, there's other lists of things 100% out of my control. I obviously am doing the whole happiness thing wrong. The joy I have found has been fleeting as true happiness and that sense of peace, must come from me, regardless of my situation. Happiness is not sought, but had. Looking back, I can't believe how much time I wasted "seeking" things I didn't yet have. I have had so much to be grateful for and often have looked right past it to the next big adventure.
I think that being happy and content are strongly correlated. I think being content comes with a strong sense of gratitude and acceptance for the present. So that's where I'm at. I am going to manually and very consciously try to change my mindset. I'm going to try to accept my current situation for what it is, learn from it and enjoy the little things along the way. One day at a time, right?
